If you’re around people who have lost their job at the moment PLEASE please don’t tell them “don’t worry, everything’s going to be fine”.
I heard that too many times when I lost my job in 2018, and it made me feel that friends and relatives who were closest to me didn’t care.
Take a moment to close your eyes and imagine you’ve just lost your job. Isn’t the simple thought of finding yourself in that situation stressful? Ask yourself what you would most want to hear at this very moment. Probably not “don’t worry everything’s going to be fine” because all you know is that you’re feeling f****** lost right now and have no clue how you’re going to get back on your feet.
Nobody wants to hear “don’t worry everything’s going to be fine” when they’ve lost their job because it makes them feel worse about themselves. How the hell do you know everything’s going to be “fine”? What does “fine” mean exactly? If you say that, then why on earth am I not able to figure this out?
And then the negative spiral starts…because I am useless, stupid, weak, scared, insecure, and whatever I do goes wrong because I keep making the wrong decisions.
Unemployment is one of the most challenging experiences I’ve had in my life, and when I found the courage to reach out for help, the most unexpected happened.
One of my closest relatives told me, “life was teaching me a lesson”, which I can understand. However, to say that I “deserved it because I was immature and needed to grow up” was less helpful.
After that moment, the shame I felt made it incredibly difficult for me to trust anybody’s advice, let alone get my confidence back. If that’s where you are right now, I get you. I believe in you.
Here is how I got through it. I learned that rejection builds resilience, and so I started applying the following seven principles to rebuild myself:
Awareness To identify problems and their sources to look for longterm solutions;
Independence To set boundaries and distance me from those who manipulate me and bring me down;
Satisfying relationships To chose those who inspire me and that I can learn from and rely on;
Self-control To engage in constructive activities and keep my personal environment pollution-free;
Creative thinking To access altered states of consciousness and transform pain into power;
Humour To decrease inner tension and find positive in the negative;
Ethics To live according to my values and spread kindness and compassion.
When we tell people not to worry because “everything is going to be fine” what we’re actually doing is making them feel that what’s life-threatening to them is unimportant to us.
Please don’t do that and, instead, give the people you love a generous, supportive hand. It will come back to you.
I use these principles to help people achieve phenomenal results. What do you use to rebuild yourself? Please comment below and share it with someone who could use some help.